The Outer Banks is a place I had never heard of before I met Lars. The first ocean I saw, smelled, touched, tasted, heard was in Swakopmund, Namibia 1993. I was hooked!!! Really, the reason I clicked on Lars' profile on Match.com in 2014 was because his profile picture was this fuzzy, happy guy with the sea in his background. I'll admit, this seven day slumber party that happens every summer is not always seamless. When you stay in one house for a week with a variety of people you do have to take into account the dynamics. I like to think I shine at adapting and acclimating to any situation. When you are kind of an outlier from the majority who have built their groove over many years, it takes some skill to adjust yourself a bit. I don't always succeed at that, but I do try. Over 7 summers of joining my guy for his family vacation, I find myself struggling with the balance of gratitude & advocating for my own feelings. Luckily, I can share all of my deepest thoughts with Lars. For that I am so grateful. I love his family very much. I imagine we all feel the adjustment-pangs when it comes to 9 people living in one house for a week! 😍 Can ya feel me?
Thank you for joining me on tableforsue.com!! Today's blog is a peek at the food & drink we prepare during our family week in the Outer Banks of North Carolina. Like many of my blogs, I invite you into some of my own current growth, challenges, and strategies that hopefully you may relate to and have take aways from. That's the beauty, I think, of writing. I find such therapy in recording my menopausal evolve - if that isn't a thing, it should be - and if one or more of you find any joy, that's the bonus/cherry on top. Thank you .... oxoxo
(I encourage you to blog about something you feel that 'za-za-zoo' from! It may be outdated to blog, but I like to think of it as a journal. Or like Lars says, "..a shared diary..." I know I am putting it out there so it drives me to try and stay consistent with writing often. I also know it may or may not be read. Great news - The more I write, the more memories I record. The more I unload my own reflecting. The more creative I become. The more I grow. The more vulnerable I become. The more I learn about food, the world, and my place in it.)
Me and Lars OBX 2019
Here's where it is in North Carolina if ya never heard of it. Or if you just heard of it because of the Netflix series.
Lars came here as a kid and he & his sister carry on the tradition each summer. Their kids have been coming here since they were very little too. Now they're all grown up adults! We usually stay near Duck and Corolla. I have been attending this 7 day family gathering for 7 summers now. I love love love the ocean so so so much. I love that Lars & his family do too!
We always stop here at our halfway point from Norfolk, VA to THE BEACH! (about 2 and a half hour drive) It's an awesome market!! I especially love the peaches, the buck-eyes (pb/chocolates!), the salsa's, the peanut butter, the baby cucumbers, the lemons, the blueberries, the animals, the music....
And after we unload all of the groceries we bought in Norfolk at Cost Co. and all of the goods we grabbed from the Farmer's Market and all of our luggage, some of us scramble to throw on our bathing suits and run to the walkway to say hi to the ocean! That first arrival is all about unpacking and getting situated. It is a huge job to get everything in its place and Lars and I usually stay on the top floor so whew - the shit we have to haul!! Ahhhhh, I love the feeling of unpacking knowing that we will be there, right on the water, together, for a whole week.
This is always a breakfast hit! Bagel with lox/cream cheese! Everyone is kind of on their own all day. We all get up, have a bite and get ready for part 1 of the beach. That is usually between 10am and 1pm. We start getting to know folks around us too.
Lars sous vi's the local shrimp (yes, he packs his tools!), and his daughter Sarah makes such delicious drinks! This was her spicy-citrus Bloody Mary! Mmmmm
Another BEACH BREAKFAST HIGHLIGHT by Sarah! It is tradition for Sarah & Lexie to prepare eggs benny one morning during our week! Her lemony hollandaise gets yummier every year!
That sweet Sarah!
Oooo, la, la - this was doc and me OBX Summer 2021! At about 1:03, most everyone is back up at the house taking a lunch break. Lars likes to retreat during the warmest time of day (1pm-3pm). I am a boogie board junkie so I head up for a snack at some point later.
On TUESDAY this summer I took over the kitchen for "Taco Tuesday." I made a giant taco dip and it is so yummy BUT next time, I will keep the meat/bean mixture warm. I did not like that it was cold. That still bugs me. Lol. Either have a warm meat/bean layer - who cares if it gets the cheese melty - OR - omit the meat layer. I think anyway. The crew didn't seem to mind as this puppy was gone in a very short time. A very good Tuesday lunch! Plus pre dinner dip. (Remember to put the meat and/or bean layer on warm! Not hot; not cooled.)
I might insert a bit of a struggle story here. I think sometimes, especially on social media, we tend to just share (if we share at all - different strokes for different folks) the SISS BOOM BAH in our lives. For me, it's not my favorite platform for spreading too much negativity, politics, sadness. Not to mention, with such dark struggles many have to survive, I have difficulty giving myself an open door to bitching. Tell that to my menopause, but still. I just kind of ride with Facebook and sometimes kind of hate that I don't share more about the tough, real stuff. I stick to the 'happy shares' because social media just ain't dat intimate!! Problem is, that's why my Gen X girl, Shari Geebs calls it FAKEBOOK. Good humor. I told her that we just have to assume that our people on the "old people social media site" get the fact that our lives are not all Vineyards and Swimming Pools!🤣 Writing a blog, for me anyway, gives a freer pass into writing whatever I feel - unapologetically, vulnerably, and hopefully, very deliciously! 🎶"It's my blog & I'll write what I want to, write what I want to....."🎶. Okay, so like I said, I have been attending this beautiful week for 7 summers. It is such a privilege to be right on the ocean with family all week. Although Lars and his sister have been doing this since childhood (sometimes Myrtle Beach, SC), every summer will always change like life has a way of doing. Soon, the kids may begin having kids of their own. We are opening up the invitation to my family and close friends as well. None of us, I think, can deny the change that has swept over the world through COVID, world leadership, isolation, job loss, device addiction, depression, I mean the list goes on right? Then, of course, we all grow older, go through "places", growth, change. I remember my first summer. It was not easy to be there as "dad's new girlfriend." Everyone was so welcoming! It is different from my experiences. I spent many summers on Fire Island in NY! My BF from college and I would stay for a week! A lotta middle aged gay men in floral robes with morning coffee, darling markets, scrumptious meals and treats right on the island and clothing optional beaches which means 'adults only.' Awesome waves! No cars. Just water taxis! That was my jam! So, it obviously isn't a hardship to adjust to going to a beach house in the Outer Banks for a week. It's just different. Like this really well to do white vacation spot with kids and dogs and stuff. It's just different. And it's no Lake Kabetogama! A beloved Minnesota destination since childhood.
With all of that said, have you ever been with a smaller group of close friends or family in the same vacation home for several days in a row? When I had difficult moments, I tried to stay focused on how important this week is for Lars. I really want his week to be relaxing and enjoyable as he spends time with his family. Sometimes we have to just focus on someone we love before ourselves, ya know? I didn't always succeed. Ya know that balance thing?
After a few petty mishaps with unsanitary occurrences around food, I thought I'd be figurative with a bit of a comedic delivery when I stated to the house, "...being unsanitary around food in my family is like serving a suckling pig at Jewish Hanukah..." something to that effect. Most ignored it. I think one of Lars' kids thought I was only referring to her. (nope) And really, it did come from a place of frustration and negativity. Perhaps better than being silent and better than throwing a tizzy. I think the better plan, though, is politely asking whoever in the moment, "..please don't dig wax out of his ear at the table while I am eating lunch - thanks so much..." I will also be sure to serve little plates with an appetizer. Lars then told me that apparently at the end of one of our evenings when I was cleaning up, they all watched me wipe the floor with some wet wipes and then use those wipes on the counter. (noone speaks which I'm not used to - lol) One of the kids re-wiped down the counter after. I had no clue. Lars explained that to me because he was talking about how sometimes we have blinders on with certain things. Totally get that, yes! But I can assure you that I was a few gummies and glasses of wine in which was the culprit for bad wet wipe use! Yes, my altered state made me do it! I can't believe I did that and nobody said... Sue!!!🤣 Speaking of party favors, which appear on many vacations, our youngest house member, 21 or 22 bless his heart, jokingly made an observation about how "happy" I looked as I was preparing dinner one evening. I then had to turn his direction to the beauty that lie before him - as I extended my arms - "ahhhh yes and some day you too may know how to handle your party favors well enough to prepare a meal for ten in 30 minutes my darling; you've barely sat upright today and it's 6pm...." He smiled. True dat. (Just don't try and handle any wet wipes!)
I guess my own take away is that sometimes the ol' "When In Rome" strategy is the kindest route. I am not great at not sticking out. Not great at conforming. Mostly I am not a fan of this. But in some cases, it simply is the kindest path. Go with the flow. I think I'll do even better next summer.
Like my brother said, "...just get em' a belly net!" You can be sure that will be under the tree this Christmas! Love it! Lars once gave me hek for taking a pickle from the pickle jar with my dinner fork. He said that will result in bacteria. To think I have been eating pickles wrong my whole life?! Apparently there is no bacteria involved, however, when it comes to a hairy, mushroom & cheese omelet. mmmmm. Like he said, blinders. I am training myself & my menopause-self to 'not sweat the small stuff.' This one is tough. Did I mention my 4 foot tall Nana woulda belted him?! But I can so lovingly grab his shirt and give it to him with a smile. 😈 No need to break the good vibes at breakfast.
Back to OBX SUMMERS!!
This was the summer that my 'gay husband', Brian, joined us! He's a boogie board junkie too! (The waves look so small in the picture! lmao)
Summer of 2023! I rented a boogie board this time! Oh ya! And bought a "Miracle Swimsuit" that went on like a designer ace bandage! Nothing getting through that sucker!
Part 2 on the beach every day is from about 3pm to 6pm - give or take. I love part 2 just as much as part 1. lol. My honey has a great camera. He's just too busy to get around to showing us the pictures. I caught one of him, though, as he shot a flock of pelicans flying by and the sweetest backdrop of his 3 daughters sitting on the beach. oxox. Love a candid! OBX 2023
The beach brings out our playful sides, I think. I love this shot I got of Lars' sister Katie one of my first summers in the Outer Banks. (I wish she would unplug and fly more kites... oxoxo) To be fair, she'd say, "I wish she would quit smoking and do more puzzles", about me. SMILE
This is our schedule - breakfast, beach, lunch, beach, showers, PJ's, dinner, sometimes games and drinks, bedtime, repeat....
Swimsuits; PJ's. My kinda week!
OBX HAIKU
by TableforSue
I love a flawed shot
and sandy, sun kissed, dark skin
Barefoot all day long!
Don't let this shot fool you. Lars did MOST of the BBQ'ing. Someone just happened to take a picture on one of my trips down there. I think I was grilling zucchini! That's the little path to the beach. We choose a different house and location every summer. One time, the ocean was on one side and the sound on the other. That house was still everyone's top. They're all beautiful, though.
Sarah strikes again with a BLUEBERRY Mojito - Happy Hour!! Delectable!
A new T-shirt I got him - "Urologist - The Man The Myth The Legend"
And I'm just here enjoying a "Raging Bitch." Hmmmm? If the flip flop fits....
Lars' beef tenderloin, gruyere scalloped tatoes, grilled corn and cab for days!!! This is always on the menu at OBX!
Not the best photo; plus that looks like someone put their foot in it! Well, I did! Last summer I made a homemade mac and cheese with penne and the topping had crunched up SPICY DILL PICKLE CHIPS!!! IT WAS GOOD.
See, last summer, same menu hit - tenderloin and scalloped tatoes! In the house with the darling dinnerware! Post covid - you get mice poop on the kitchen floor :(
And a super hit!! Lars makes homemade shrimp and grits. The grits come from Morris Farmers Market and of course, sous vi'd fresh shrimp from the nearby seafood market! He loads his grits with cheese and fresh corn off of the cob!! Spicy sausage, peppers, onion, zucchini - such a huge hit with this crowd! (Minus that one mean lady who came to the beach one summer and spat at everyone like a llama. She hated the grits. Sorry to llama's - I love llama's.)
My honey's SHRIMP n GRITS!! Boom!
I never heard that "E.Q." was even a thing until I met Lars. I used to share how in awe I was of his IQ and more than one person has interjected with, "...ya, but you have a high EQ." When I discovered there was such a thing as EMOTIONAL intelligence, I then wondered if that meant my IQ was lacking? lol. Impossible. I score high in both! Well, in comparison with Lars, my IQ is no match, but I was happy to hear about this EQ thing. If IQ folks are so keen to pick up on high EQs, they might also take note of the actual prognosis & lean into a little guidance. What is emotional intelligence or EQ? Emotional intelligence (otherwise known as emotional quotient or EQ) is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict.Feb 28, 2023
I was feeling the need to bridge the gap of communication and closeness with Lars and his kids. I learned that at this time in our lives, I just have to remain in his corner and also love his kiddos. That's super easy. It was kind of a relief to accept that the relationship's of others is not up to anyone else to repair (unless they're a shrink, I suppose). High EQ people really like to fix relationship conflict. Not to mention a 30 year 5th grade teacher - conflict resolution was all day, every day. I'm meno-shedding that. Oh gosh, I actually FELT like "Ms. Saccoman" inside when one of his kids was suddenly ready to get going on our last day. Unfortunately, her dad just hopped into the shower. She was driving another sister and she became very urgently frustrated about taking off. She had a lot to do. I tried balancing by going in and out of the bedroom to get Lars to come say bye to the two girls. I was also asking his kid to be patient. And luckily another sis offered her 2 Cents. On the inside, "Ms. Saccoman" would have said, "...you did not give any warning about leaving at 9am and you are going to just go without saying goodbye to your dad!" I may have said that or something like it. Just more gently than I would have with my 5th graders. My guess is that everyone would prefer I stayed quiet, but that's tough when it comes to EMOTIONAL conflict. I needed Lars to get a good-bye from his two girls, but ironically, Lars' daughter is similar to him in that when she gets focused on something, nothing else is really considered. Even people. He would not have minded at all if they had to get going without a goodbye. I'm learning. That EQ thing aint all it's cracked up to be. Lars is like my brothers and he likes to tease so during group pictures, he poked fun and it brought his kid to tears. She needed to roll! I was so happy that she apologized though. I love when saying sorry is truly genuine. I hope I am good at that too! Lars did not realize his little tease was just super bad timing because, well, HE WAS IN THE SHOWER! Lol!! He misses everything whether he is present or not - LUCKY SUCKER!!!!!
I love this one! I got a picture of Lars as he watched Liz, Sarah, and Lexie sit on the beach. He got some great photos of them first. (See the one above)
They're my kinda "kids!" Free-spirited and playful at the beach! oxox
The most important tradition of all is being together.
(daughters from left Lexie, Sarah & Liz)
Home again with his new T from his very thoughtful daughter, Liz. The man likes him some Star Wars & Strawberry Pancakes! oxox (Yay!! A breakfast T-shirt! Thanks Liz!)
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