I couldn't wait to share my love story with you. It is all about food and love.
Let me try to sum this up quickly before getting to the good stuff. Although, if you like scandal, read on. Otherwise, feel free to scroll way down to the food part. Ox
In my 20's, I fell in love with a Namibian who I met at college in Moorhead, MN. We were together for 10 years, married for 3. He was wonderful and I am so grateful for that time in my life because if it wasn't for Elrico, I may have never been able to live in Namibia. Elrico's family and friends and my friends from my first teaching job along with the land, the people, the wildlife... Namibia is etched in my heart forever. Unfortunately, Elrico died in a car accident after our divorce, but I chat with him from time to time and I always hear his voice saying, "Susan!!" in that unfamiliar to most accent that I loved so much.
I met "D" in my 30's and we were together for about 6 years. I guess that was a learning experience for me too, but most of my memories of this relationship were toxic and unpleasant and honestly, I can't believe I stuck that out for as long as I did. Kind of a fun fact - he cheated and broke my heart - it took me exactly 13 days to get over him. I was crushed in two. I will never forget it. On the 13th day, I went to a comedy show with friends and right there in my chair, as I was laughing my ass off at Scott Hanny on stage, I began sobbing. Briefly. Under 2 minutes. Like my last push just gushed out of every opening in my face and like that, I was done being hurt. I will always remember that moment. I vowed to never allow myself to be crushed emotionally, verbally by anyone ever again. D even came to me a few months after our break up because the gal he cheated on me with, cheated on him. He actually walked in on them. (insert my expression - you can likely mimic) He came to my door crushed and I let him stay the whole day - I cooked for him and consoled him while he was hurting. I also made it clear that a huge part of me felt a great relief that he knew how it felt. He left that day knowing that I was done with him long ago. A few weeks later, he asked me to meet him at the driving range to hit some balls. His intent ended up being that he wanted to introduce me to his new girlfriend (who would later be his wife) and her daughter. I gave her a hug and playfully whispered in her ear, "better you than me." She was a good sport. Moreover, I was a good sport to not hold onto the awful parts. I feel darn good about my break ups being healthy and amicable. I forgot to mention, when I divorced Elrico, I supported him with finances and was happy that he lived with my brother for a bit because they were close. It would make me laugh because Jimmer would say, "...he got up and washed his car and I made him this big breakfast and then he ate and just went back to bed." LMAO!! Really? Ya don't say?
Needless to say, I was in my mid 30s when D and I broke up, so I decided it was my time to be single and enjoy it!! And enjoy it I did!! It was around 2005 and online dating was better, less sketchy so I made a profile. I went on so many dates. I should have written a journal about them because 98% of them were a first date and a last date. I must say, I only had a few really bad dates. Most of them were okay - just over before they started for either or both ends. Then, I met B and we went on several dates of 'darts and beer' while getting to know each other a bit - but not too much. lol I met B online, I met "Chief" online as well. Hello fireman!!! Ding, ding on the trolley - clang, clang on the bell! We are still close friends to this day. I met W at a casino. An NFL hall of famer! I am pretty sure he loved that I have zero clue or interest in football. Let’s say I was ‘playing the field’. There were also a few educators in the mix. It was a great time in my life and I don't feel one bit sorry for any of it. I had wonderful 'friendships' with all these blokes and still do with some to this day. Oh the stories I could share. Those close to me know many of them. :)
As I got closer to 40, I ended up falling hard for one of the educators. Crap. I didn't want that to happen. We ended up buying a home together after dating for a few years. We were both very much in love. I thought, wow, I finally found someone who is the perfect balance. We had chemistry that was pretty spectacular!! He was in education too which was so nice to come home to someone who ‘got it!’ The one down side was that even though we lived together, we lived pretty separate lives. He didn't really include me with his children and I felt that it was how he was handling the awful adjustment of a divorce. I respected that he wanted full attention on his kids when they were with us. This break up was rough. Took me much longer than 13 days to get over. One day, like as casual as asking for a cup of coffee, he just said he didn't love me anymore. Ya gotta appreciate succinct. I suspect he would have thought I was going to crack and call in my dad and brothers to move all my shit out the house. That is not how it went. Again, instinctively, I led the way for both of us to go our separate ways in a manner that reflected the best of who we were together. To his credit, he followed my lead impeccably! It took exactly 7 days. I found an apartment, packed everything on my own, and it was only the two of us who took care of all of the moving. In those 7 days, I sobbed, he held me, we had kick ass sex, dinners, and did a lot of talking and listening. He was a good guy. I was sure he was going to be my husband. Although I was heart achy, I loved my new apartment, I had my kitties, and the summer was coming to a close so it was time to get cracking in the classroom again. I began to heal and relive a few months of my late 30s again. (insert devious smile)
In November of that year, I was 42 and I felt ready to date again. Something shifted though. It was like, I had 3 long term relationships in my life, and I took pieces of what was great about them, pieces of how I was my best with them. It was like I had this answer. I believed so much in love. I know myself and how hard I love and I believed in love still. Maybe even more. My 3 relationships were not failures. They all came and went when and how they were supposed to. I was at a place, not even a year after my heartache break up, where I was wide open to who I was and what I believed I deserved. I went on match.com and wrote a very vulnerable, authentic profile. I had very few dates because I chose to have phone conversations first and often was not interested in taking it to an in person thing. I was scrolling one day, and I was naturally 'going outside of my box' this time around on the dating sites. You see, I have a 'va-va-vooooommm' chemistry with men of color. I can only explain it from my own perspective and that is I have always felt a genuine chemistry with black guys because of my own body issues. Black men, in my experience, appreciate a thicker woman. Even prefer it. And yes, I believe I have a very vast perspective here! International, in fact! :). So the point is, my whole adult life I lusted after "Michael Clarke Duncan" look alike's. We all have our physical attractions yes? Up to this point in my early 40s, I had dated or shared love with quite a hefty number of men. So, this time around, I was going to veer away from initial, physical attraction. I was going to broaden my horizons by reading more profiles. I wanted to seek a match by paying closer attention to what guys were saying, rather than how they looked. Please do not misunderstand. I mean, I admit that I was largely reading profiles carefully of photos that also gave me a spark. I was just more careful about not passing up anyone who did not resemble my Michael Clarke Duncan.
One day, around my birthday in 2014, I spotted a photo of a 'bigger, furry, white guy' with a warm smile and the ocean was behind him. The photo made me stop because I love the ocean and I love a big, furry guy! Then - I read his profile. That was that. I read it a few times. And I knew. I knew with complete certainty that we were going to meet. I saved what he wrote in my old iPhone 4. I charged it up today like I had many times before and it was dead. Why oh why didn't I save it to my new phone! I went to Apple and I even emailed Match. I always dreamed of taking pieces of it and sharing them in my vows if Lars and I were to ever marry. I am so sorry I cannot share it here. I was excited to do that and Lars said I could. It was quite long. It read like a poetic satire. Brilliant and lovely. At one point he wrote something like; "And who am I? A father, a builder, a thinker, always on a quest for the perfect burger,..." Anyway, I hope I hear from Match so I can figure out how to retrieve my old profile. Neither of us remember a thing about our user names. Such is life. He spoke about sous vide and his love for travel. He welcomed a partner who wanted to share in all of the exciting and mundane and to accept one another's foibles. Again, I read it many times.
I messaged Lars and within a day we exchanged cell phone numbers. We spent the rest of December talking on the phone and texting warm messages. It happened to be a very busy time for both of us. Whenever you are reaching winter break in education, (28 year elementary teacher here) everything starts hitting the fan. This is due, that is due. There's this party and that event. The kids and teachers are getting anxious for the holiday. Lars was hosting Christmas, so his children were all in town from the East Coast. We both established early on that December was not going to be an ideal time to set our FIRST DATE. So we decided to make our first date for January 3, 2015.
The date was pretty perfect as far as dates go. We had spent weeks talking, so I think we were both excited. Like kids on Christmas morning. We had a drink and a nibble at a piano bar, then it closed so we scooted over to an open til 2am dive bar nearby and sat at the bar and talked some more. We hugged goodbye in the parking lot and I cried all the way home because I knew I met someone really wonderful. Mysterious. But wonderful. And so the adventure began. It is now nearly 8 years later.
Lars and I began our courtship upon that New Year & by Valentine's Day I said, "I love you," in a text because I was a big chicken. He immediately called me and said it back. After two years of dating, he took a position he couldn't refuse back in Houston, TX and we began our four+ years of long distance love. He wanted me to join him, but he didn't pressure me. He understood that would be a huge transition away from all of my family, my home, my friends, my career.
I am often an open book in almost any situation. I wouldn't say I am proud of that. In fact, I have often wished I wasn't that way. But I am. Always have been. Wide open to the world at all times. Lars - not so much. Figuring him out was definitely like peeling an onion very carefully. One layer at a time. I imagine he would agree the same could be true about me. Well, I suppose many would agree that a relationship continually has new twists and turns and two people have to navigate those together. Lars knew my last name before we even met. He looked me up and everything. I didn't even think about that. I did not know that Lars was a surgeon until months into our relationship. When I inquired about what he did, his response was, "...a professor of sorts." Well that wasn't a fib really because he did instruct residents of urology at the U of M. He soon realized I was not an opportunist. Not in my DNA. Not how I was raised. Not me. If anything, due to my high self esteem, I often believed he hit a bigger jackpot than I did. But really, I just think we both found our missing link.
If you're thinking, sheesh, this is a long blog Sue! And what about the food?! Well, we've come to the food now. It is really fascinating, I think. The juxtaposition that Lars & I cross with nearly every, single thing in life EXCEPT food. We both love to cook. We both love to explore local cuisine. We both love reading about food, watching films about food, shopping for food.... it is our greatest common bond. Lars has given me opportunities that I never even dreamed of. Lisbon, Portugal, New Orleans, San Francisco (x10), Sonoma Valley (x10), Napa Valley, Austin, TX, Belize, Seattle, Santa Fe, NM, Virginia Beach, soon, Mexico City - I could be forgetting some. He always teaches me something new about food and cooking that I never knew. We go to Michelin Star places and often have Chef Course experiences so we can try a bit of everything. I have so many mind blowing visits to share here on my blog in the "Restaurant Gems" section! The artistry, care, and respect for ingredients and moreover, the taste of these dishes around the world!! Meeting Lars was like a foodie's dream come true - to meet another foodie who wanted to share that passion with you every chance he could. Lars always uses the word 'tandem.' I love this about him because he truly does prefer we do everything 'in tandem.'
Enjoy the following "photo gallery journey" of Lars's signature dishes. A description with each photo should help welcome you into my very, well fed love affair. May I add that after the major shit storm that kept rumbling through the world (and still is) - what with our catastrophic government and system issues, a world wide pandemic, senseless murdering of our black brothers and sisters, bullets riddling our schools, and the downside's of technology desensitizing us all and taking us away from human connection and conversation, I took the leap and MOVED TO HOUSTON in October of 2021. So, once you enjoy the "Lars's Food Photo Gallery", feel free to continue this novel by reading about how we are doing now. I think this union is a Netflix original in and of itself. You simply could not find two folks from more opposite ends of the spectrum on all things great and small. My brother believes we are all on the spectrum, and I happen to agree. So if you picture an image of that spectrum, picture me all the way on one end, and Lars all the way on the other.
This is when I first introduced Lars to my family. My mom finally started calling him, "Lars", instead of "The White Guy." 2015 Red Wing, MN
Lars's Food Gallery ..... oxoxox
Dr. Lars Cisek - Pediatric Urology Houston, TX
Doesn't look like much? Contraire mon fraire!! Before I entered peri menopause, I was one of those gals who had some monthly challenges. (Now, they're daily! lol) Extreme cramps, and a ravenous yearning for chocolate and peanut butter. I had only known Lars for a few months and one Friday evening when I was 3 Advil in soaking in the tub, Lars made me a snack and brought it to the bathroom where I was taking a bubble bath. It is a perfect example of him because this guy simply buys ZERO processed food. You may see some Heinz ketchup in his fridge, but other than that, everything he sources is truly exceptional in quality. He orders this really great chocolate and the peanut butter is handmade from Morris Farms in NC. I love this memory. He's a doctor of urology - menstruation & peri-menopause are welcomed topics for me to obsess over with him all of the time. Hallelujah! Amen doctah!!
I love shrimp. And I love grits. So shrimp and grits are a no brainer! Well, this guy!!! He makes grits very special. This is definitely one of his specialities. He will grab some fresh, huge gulf shrimp and make a luscious pepper and andouille broth. The grits are loaded with butter, cream, cheese, and FRESH CORN off of the cob! Gone in 60 seconds Shrimp & Grits by Chef Doc!
Lars makes homemade bread every Sunday & he has a wonderful pizza oven for homemade pizza time! I am pretty sure his yeast starter in the fridge is protected by NASA. He does a Chicago style 'Za sometimes too. Delicious crusts on both. The best cheeses, herbs and tomatoes from the yard, and that fire kissed crunchy note! Simply delectable!
Chicago Style above & outdoor pizza oven made Za' below. Yes, that's radicchio! Mmmmmmm!!!
Click below for my amateur video-editing skills of Lars assembling the deep dish. (2 links)
I'm not naked, really. Just swam laps so I could dive into the deep dish. I forgot to mention the basil! The basil was my favorite part. And with the chianti?! Forget about it.
Every summer, Lars rents a big, beach house in the Outerbanks, North Carolina. His folks brought him and his sister here when they were kids, and they have carried on the tradition. I have been lucky enough to be a part of 'the OBX week' for 7 summers now. We grocery shop in Norfolk and also stop at Morris Farms on the way for some of the best Farmer's Market fare I have ever seen. Lars packs his sous vide device and this is a sous vide beef tenderloin that he is grilling up to serve 9. Along with his totally famous gruyere, scalloped potatoes. (pictured below)
Dinner is served - tenderloin, scalloped potatoes, his daughter's yummy Brussel sprouts & some nice, garden veg! Look at that yummy-ness! If you don't eat beef rare, you're sourcing the wrong beef OR there's something off with your palate! Or both.
Our favorite stop on the way to the Outer Banks in North Carolina. Check out their story.
This one is very quintessential "Lars." Now that we live together, I have discovered that he loves to grocery shop and he doesn't mind at all if I don't join him! Hello! Jackpot! I love grocery shopping too - but not so much on a Saturday or Sunday in Houston! Lars is big on routine and his routine for the weekend is to fill up his gas tank in the painful Cost-Co line, then browse through Cost-Co. Browse?! I hate browsing. I am always a woman on a mission. Then, he meander's calmly and thoughtfully through Central Market which is just my favorite store of all here! I just don't fancy the crowds. Anyway, he sous vide's all of the proteins on Sunday's and this is an example of a meal he will make often in variations. Below is a cap steak (butter knife only), very creamy kabocha squash, and creamed spinach with copious amounts of garlic. (You will almost always see arugula when I cook - with Lars, you will almost always see mushrooms - so you can see some shrooms make an appearance in the spinach.) Yes, and a pinot noir from our favorite Sonoma vineyard, Hamel.
Ahhh, my honey and I are cuckoo for charcuterie! Ay karamba!! I had a friend over in Houston and Lars labeled all of these cuts and served up some crisp chardonnay from Sonoma.
He will often pick up oysters from Central Market or our local seafood market so we can enjoy oysters on the half shell at home! Our favorite is a simple mignonette - vinegar and shallots! So delicious!
When Lars cooks, he pours us something delicious and serves an appetizer so we can visit while he is preparing dinner. I am not the best "sous chef." So we are learning how to cook together without competing for the head chef role. It isn't going well, so I just sit on a stool and blow kisses from my caviar bliss.
Outside of Zuni in San Francisco. I will certainly blog about them in the future. We have had quite a journey together. If you'd like to hear more about this crazy union of the opposite's, please read on below. Thank you - thank you all so much if you are finding any bit of joy, laughter, or appetite here on tableforsue! Hugs and kisses...
Lars and I have shared a home together here in Houston, TX for nearly 12 months. It was a difficult adjustment for both of us, that's for sure. We spent our entire relationship jet setting here and there with these whirlwind, romantic meet-cute's. Sure, we shared in conversation and had a deeper knowledge of one another as time went on. However, we never lived together. So there I was, about to turn 50 and Lars was 60 and I decided to uproot myself and be with Lars. He had 5 years in his home as a bachelor and I had just spent 7 years in my own, little apartment. It was going to be a battle. I don't think either one of us expected a WAR!
Here's what I mean when I say juxtaposition when it comes to the doc and me:
*He's a morning person; I'm a night owl. He loves light & I prefer dark/mood lighting. He calls me a mushroom and hates when I do the dishes because I do them in the dark. (I give you the dish duty lover! :) )
*He is a thinker; I'm a feeler.
*He is science and technicality. I am spiritual and artsy.
*Lars has an impressive IQ. A less impressive EQ. I have an impressive EQ. A less impressive IQ.
*He has maintained perfect credit his whole life. Um.
*He holds onto everything and buys in bulk because it is smarter spending. I purge on the regular and often buy an overpriced Diet Coke at the gas station.
*He listens to NPR every chance he gets. I watch Grey's Anatomy every chance I get.
*He is not keen on tipping more than what is appropriate and in many cases, oh gosh, it pains me to say, he doesn't tip. Gulp. I overtip beyond my means.
*He’s ‘some things are better left unsaid,’ & I’m ‘say everything in one lifetime.’
*He is not very warm or affectionate by nature. I, on the other hand, felt right at home when I discovered that in Namibia, everyone greets each other with a kiss on the mouth. By the time I was 10 minutes into a party, I already lip kissed 7 women and all of their husbands. Loved it!! (I might add that Lars is very affectionate with me.) ox
*He is not outwardly sensitive. I cry over everything.
*He dreams about the cuts he can sous vi when he thinks of animals. I dream about owning a safe haven for all animals in need. (If it were up to him, cats can fend for themselves while we're gone for a few days - but he does love that I found a kitty sitter who doesn't drink wine. lol)
*Oh, Lars LOVES LOVES wine. I never did until meeting him. Problem is, I can only drink the good shit now! 🙄
*Lars criticizes often and has the kind of high expectations with others that he puts on himself. I am more about making others feel better even when they might not deserve it.
*He can be over an argument in a flash and immediately want to hug me. I need a moment to find my happy place before you come closer!!
*Lars notices architecture and nature when we travel. People are not really on his radar. I notice people and interactions. Architecture not so much on my radar.
*He does know a lot of things and therefore often has the answer to most things. I ask a lot of questions. I guess this one works well. Although he knows when he says, "The answer is..." all of the time, it bugs.
*He is glass half empty; I’m glass runneth over.
*He's disciplined. I am wild.
*He's structured, planned and loves itinerary. I fly by the seat of my pants.
*He takes his time, is thorough and thoughtful. I am efficient; no lallygagging.
*Lars is messy, disorganized. I love cleaning and do not take kindly to too much "stuff" everywhere.
*He's well off. I'm not. In fact, I would say rich people are my target audience to judge. :(
*He is not very patient. I have the patience of a 5th grade teacher. :)
When it is all said and done, we have both brought some significant lessons, insight, and balance to one another's lives. There are no guarantees. Lars says that all of the time. We would like to believe that we are ACT 3. I think it is a strong enough pairing because we continually push one another, challenge one another, and bring out the best in one another. Oh, if you wanted more info on THE WAR - well, basically, Mr. "I hold onto all things" and Ms. "I hate clutter" had it out for months. It took me from October 21st - December 3rd to create a joint home that did not consist of cords, cardboard, donations and dust. I was missing home, missing my students, missing my family and friends. I couldn't believe I was in Houston. He experienced a home invasion with this woman and her two cats who fiddled through his things like a twister on tornado alley! We were at war every day and honestly, I am pretty sure I was temporarily insane for part of that time so I applaud him for handling it all so well.
There really are no guarantees. But I for one am so grateful to love and be loved. Each one of our differences bring us both perspective and balance. I think things through more carefully, shop with more frugality, better understand complexities of politics, & I am always learning with Lars. He is basically a human google. I would like to think that I have brought him more warmth and affection; humor and personal encounters. I would like to think my love has strengthened his relationship with himself and his kids. (Oh how I love his kids! They're such a gift in my life) We are both certainly blessed to have made a 'match.' Thank you for loving all of my good and bad parts, Lars. Thank you for loving 'me.'
The answer is - Love.
Love you babe! Even if you like too much salt. 😍
And another from Sue’s T-shirt gift tour🤣
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