Ahhhh, my blog today is about everything naughty!!! I have, after all, been a little bit naughty for as far back as I can remember. Always, though, with a very big heart, a lot of love to give, and very empathetic to others - especially my people - Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves, of course! I hope you will find joy, laughter, your inner wild, heart tugs, recipes, restaurants and maybe even some inspiration from DESPICABLE ME!!
All of my favorite dishes highlight CHEESE! Glorious cheese!! When I blog about cheese alone, it is going to be so delicious and RIPE with the best cheeses and cheese dishes!! Cheese!!!! Argh!!! It's so utterly and despicably my favorite thing to eat on the planet!!!!
I think this represents a bit of naughty well! This was just a week ago after only one night in Las Vegas! I swear, I walked outside to find a Walgreens and realized it was daytime! Not sure what day, but it was light out! And my equilibrium was off! Despicable Me!
I can recall my tendency to 'march to the beat of my own drum' at a very young age. I have my share of foibles (piles of em!) that I like to think I have worked very hard on over the years; but my deep, soulful desire to move people, to lead, to entertain, to inspire - it ain't one of em! But boy, OH BOY I wonder if you would believe how many times my BIG -ness was met with cruelty, envy, dishonesty, destruction and all kinds of other negativity. From a young age through camp, college, and especially as a teacher. Life ain't always easy, but there are always grand lessons aren't there? In spite of candle blowers, I think I've done a pretty good job at staying true to me. Despicable Me.
My mom was called into school when I was in 1st grade. Apparently they lined us all up near the nurses office for our shots. Well, I told that lady right to her face that she did not have a nurses hat on and I basically thought she was a fraud! That needle wasn't going anywhere near my arm until Frankie got there! Despicable Me.
A year later, I was jumped by a dog as I was walking into school. He just humped me for a few seconds until I wrestled my way out from under him while a bunch of high school kids watched in laughter. I ran into the principal's office in tears saying I was jumped by a stray dog and when the principal went up to the window to look, he said, "it looks friendly enough to me." I shouted, "Then you go out there and get humped!" Despicable Me.
In 3rd grade, as I walked down the hall of my beloved school, the band teacher, who was a very round!!! guy, jovially exclaimed, "...hey pork chop!" I'm like, "hi - then you must be pot roast!!" Despicable Me.
In 4th grade, my friend Michelle & I tried smoking cigs for the first time. What's worse is we found them off of the streets of Buhl! We'd get so excited to find a big butt! It didn't last long, but I latched on to cigs again during my senior year of high school and have been smoking ever since! Despicable Me! (Side note: this is my ONE regret in life - that I ever started smoking! My journey to being a happy non-smoker is near.... we must forgive ourselves and press forward. I look forward to freedom! Prayers appreciated.)
Well this is as good a time as any to pop in my first DESPICABLE dish!! The food highlights today will undoubtedly be naughty by nature!! All of my favorite sinful bites from restaurant gems & my own creations!!
Speaking of pork - this frickin' mortadella pizza that Lars and I had at Brera Osteria in The Venetian in Las Vegas was so damn, despicably, delicious! But then, I have a major love for proper mortadella! It's Italian bologna and it is often studded with pistachio nuts! Go get some from a good deli right now!
Brera Osteria
The Venetian
Las Vegas, NV
You had me at 'mortadella!'
I love you Vince!! Your friend prosciutto has been invited on top of a finished 'Za, so why oh why did I not think of you!! You are much more satisfying - no offense to prosciutto!
In high school I was involved in everything. Student Council president (because nobody else would run), volleyball, theater, speech, yearbook - I like to think I was a friend to everyone. I had different groups of friends, but mostly we were all friends. Many of us were together from K-12 and many of those childhood friends are still people in my life who love me and who I love the hardest! We know one another's insides! I was very lucky to grow up in a small town, have three big, brothers who all went to school before me, and like I have said in other posts, we had the best teachers ever! I was a good kid. I got good grades. My parents gave me a lot of independence and trust and my mom hosted countless slumber parties and birthday parties where my friends were always welcome. With all of these blessings and more... I still teetered always between compassion and a deep love for giving to others in any way I could and flirting with risk and unconformity!
I grew up in the Catholic Church, but our church was right next door to the Methodist Church so my parents let me go over to their service right after ours. I liked going over there because they let me go on stage and stuff. We were a small town, so we knew everyone. I used to think we were all assigned a church because one church wouldn't fit the whole town. To this day I know very little when it comes to the religious history of any religion; including Christianity. I am not bragging about being ignorant. I am quite perplexed as to how I went through catechism, got confirmed, went to church with my family every Saturday night or Sunday morning, took some mandatory theology classes at Concordia, attended numerous services & religious/spiritual celebrations throughout the world and I FEEL...I truly feel inside the same exact feeling I have felt since I can remember being alive....God is there for us; He loves us; He's inside all of us....I believe that my idea of God is the same God I have felt throughout every spiritual experience I have had. I remember the family I lived with for a spell in Namibia. They were Hindi. They had a very inclusive way of praying with such authenticity and ease. Their prayer was around us while we cooked, and shared meals. I didn't even ask questions about their religion - I just prayed when they did and it was completely right inside of me. I think most people just pick things into zillion's of pieces rather than just succumbing to a more heart-led answer. Their prayer was my prayer was our prayer and we were family. I think we can 'feel' the kind of prayer that is right for us and for me, I have connected to God through more avenues than just the Catholic Church. Right now, I am a member of the gayest church in Houston, Bering United Methodist. It is all kinds of beautiful! Despicable Me.
In high school, there was this one kid who everyone relentlessly bullied. Ya know, he absolutely did negatively call attention to himself a lot! It wasn't long before I realized his choice was either negative attention or no attention. I would pick him up for school, hang out at his house (he had a very nice mom), and try to 'have his back.' Once we grew to know one another even better, I would help him find different ways to deal with other kids. Ya, my friends sometimes teased me, but it never phased me a bit. Man, I really loved Liam! He was funny as hell! We had some great times together performing in plays and I had numerous belly laughs at Liam's expense. In the winter, I would pick him up and find an empty lot to whip shitties in because it was super icy and there were piles of snow where I grew up! It used to make me cry laugh to hear Liam scream. Then, I would stop, and check in with him and he would start laughing too. Then, I'd go again, and he would beg me to stop. I wonder where my old friend is! Despicable Me.
During our senior year overnight party thingy before graduation, I wore boxer shorts, a class of 90 T-shirt, some yellow, hightop converse shoes, complete with a banana clip and a full head of aqua-net hairspray! I used a giant magic marker to write, "See Ya Rocky!!" across the ass of my boxer shorts. Rocky was our Principal. He was actually an okay guy, I think? I had to work with him all year because of the Student Council thing. We would argue over money and dances, but I usually always figured out a way. I wonder why nobody said to me that I should not have been wearing those boxers? There were teachers and parent chaperones there that night and I was bopping around with the Principal's name on my ass. In fact, I bet my mom was there since she frickin chaperoned everything. No way would Frankie have let me wear that!? He must have either really been a jerk and I can't remember or this is just a very good example of "Despicable Me."
Hello! With all of this nostalgia, I must insert my dressed up version of my Pierogi Hotdish! Completely, utterly naughty!!! If I ever want to hit my goal weight, I can only make this once a year. It is full on decadence! I have more than one blog post where she is featured!! Inspired by my Godmother Tona's homemade pierogi!!
Just think of it as potato lasagna if you aren't familiar with pierogi's or hotdish or neither. (eye roll)
I make a homemade cheese sauce, sometimes with beer when I top it with porketta! You can go to the "Great MN Recipe" post for the recipe! I am very well aware, by the way, that I am in love with this dish!! I would like nothing more than to make it for everyone! I especially love making it in these individual ramekins! Homemade pasta; spot on mashed potatoes; zingy sauerkraut (I swear to you you'll love it!); and cheesy deliciousness!! Layers of carb on carb with cheese! This one I topped with caviar because, well, Despicable Me!
"Pillows" - that's what we called them (pierogi) - the ultimate comfort food and the MOST delicious bite of my life inside of my Godmother's kitchen! I believe Tona would love this hotdish! And she would tell me! Just not with the caviar! (sorry Tona!) I hang my head in shame while admitting to how much I LOVE caviar! -sigh- Despicable Me.
I worked at St. Louis County 4-H Camp from the age of 16 to 20. I was a camper there for four summers and although my first job was babysitting, this was my first official hire. I had the great fortune of starting my first summer with a group of counselors & a camp director that were 'ending their era.' They had all been there for a good number of years and they were all my counselors when I was a camper - duh. I was so young (16) and new and most of them were 20 or over. Alan taught me archery because I was his partner for the archery range. He was such a special guy! I loved him so much! I would go on to instruct archery and teach other counselors for the remaining years. Alan taught me well. It was awesome! I learned everything I needed to learn in those 10 weeks. We would stay the week, have weekends, get a new group of campers and repeat for 10 weeks. Okay, I have to say, the first week was "training." SUPER FRICKING FUN!!! The second week was 1/2 training and 1/2 the week we shared with senior ladies who were like OFF THE CHAIN amazing and I loved them for five summers. To this day I have an afghan that Martha made me. She was 98 the last time we shared mail. Then eight weeks of campers; a new group each week. You get the idea. The tears flowed at the end. You spend that much close time with folks and you think the love between you will carry your relationship to the end of time. Well, I never saw many of my camp friends again, but that love is still there.
It was my years at camp that made me appreciate the blank canvas of a sandwich!! My dear friend Spike who I have blogged about (he's a living Forrest Gump!) is a huge sandwich lover! Being the seasoned counselor, I had the keys to both the camp car and the camp boat! lol. So, I would see if the kitchen needed anything so I could have an excuse to take the car to town. The camp car was an old sherif's car I shit you not!! It was powerful!!! Anyway, I would speed to grab supplies and then sneak over to Dave's Pizza in Virginia, MN to grab some subs. Lotta folks love their pizza, but to me, the only thing I have ever gotten there was their sub! "A 15 inch sub please." That's all you say. You don't need to say anything else. If you don't like onions, go to Perkins and get a grilled cheese. Dammit. I would HAVE TO get a sub for Spike because I swear it was my favorite thing ever to watch his reaction! He called them 'babies.' "Hi baby!! I am going to take you to the lounge for a bit, but I will be right back after I fire up the sauna!!" To watch him eat it made me wet myself from laughing so hard. We gotta laugh that hard a lot more right?? Oh gosh they're just something else those subs!!! Every, single element is perfectly in sync from the bread to the coarse pepper. So along with a mountain of life lessons I took away from my years at camp, the very concept of a sandwich was also born & came with a whole new world of Despicable possibilities. Banh Mi's, Reuben's, Patty Melt's, and my all time favorite, Muffaletta's!! It all began with those babies from Dave's!!!
I love you Dave's Pizza!! Get a shot of your SUB on your site!!!! In fact, I will come take a huge bite of one and give you all 5 kisses if you're game!!! You need a photo of your sub!!
Dave's Pizza
201 3rd St S
Virginia, MN 55792
A Whole 15" baby for 7.40 ya'll!!
Since Daves doesn't have a sub photo on their site, I am compelled to celebrate sandwiches with this divine or Despicable shot of a REAL, JEWISH DELI pastrami on rye!! This was one situation where I had no business asking for cheese. She just isn't needed here. She can't even be a supporting actor to this pastrami. BUT - when I think of my love of sandwiches, Jewish Deli is going to be my second thought after Dave's Subs & Muffaletta's!!
Kenny & Ziggy's
Address:1743 Post Oak Blvd
Houston, TX 77056
I had to share my star sandwich - to me, the Muffaletta is like Broadway. Broadway isn't the same unless you're in NYC! I splurge on Muffaletta's only when I am in NOLA! I have had them everywhere in New Orleans and I have adored them all. It's New Orleans!
I attended Concordia College in Moorhead, MN from 1990 - 1994! Thanks to my mom and dad, I had an exceptional education. Concordia is a private school and most of my classes were 25-30 students or even less. Again, I was involved in everything. Besides getting my degree in Elementary Education, I participated in all kinds of wonderful and Despicable things! How I managed pretty good grades? It was because of my professors number one! Even the bad ones taught me so much. But mostly there were great ones. One of my biggest classes was biology. Ugh, I have never been great when it comes to Science. Sorry Lars. I got a D- on my semester exam and when I went to speak to my professor about it, he gave me some tutoring sessions, and let me take it again. I got a B!! I'll never forget that. Dr. Todt! (I somehow recall his last name was spelled oddly, but was pronounced 't-ah-d'. Maybe a fellow Cobber will read this and help me remember if I recalled correctly. ox ) Even though I was one of 60+ students, he took his own time to help me succeed even when I was Despicable and didn't assert myself the first time.
We had another professor who was a little person; a master in Tai'Chi, and just very Zen. Don. :). Of course he was my 'free writing' professor. Loved him! So chill. I didn't miss a single class and I was always on time! Go figure! Another professor of ours was brilliant. I believe I took a Novels class with him because my friend Jenny loved him. Oh my GOSH he was so tough!! Punctuality!! Straight and narrow!!! Super GAY! He made it clear to us early on that even a blizzard would not cancel his class because he walks to school! He was smart and accidentally funny and I loved his class so much! He didn't love me as much because I do not have a brilliant mind, but he definitely warmed up to me once he saw my efforts. "Bleak House," though, really? Snore!!! I think I got a C+ in his class. Despicable Me.
College. Ahhhh, it was such a time right!!!?? I met my husband and many other Namibians. I met Namibia! I was closer to a foreign exchange student myself at Concordia because everyone was either named Kari or Thor. Very Lutheran. Very Norwegian. That's Concordia. I didn't know. I was born and raised in Buhl, had never flown, and college was the first time I was meeting people from a wide range of socio-economic, cultural, religious, & more backgrounds. I was an Italian, Catholic from a small town with BIG dreams and overweening confidence. I tried Clown Ministry, pledged a silly sorority with my roomie, met my gay husband for life, reveled in artsy friendships that would push me and inspire me, pulled many all-nighters, worked at Pizza Hut, smoked cigarettes driving around in tin can cars with 50 inch snow banks at -40 degree weather, was a bit promiscuous, smoked my first joint, dropped acid for the first & last time, got crabs, 'drove the porcelain bus' more times than I would like to admit, had truly memorable classes, even got to be an orientation leader my senior year, and eventually graduated with a 3.8 in Education and a 2.9 overall for 4 years. Let's face it, it could have been a 4.0 if I wasn't so Despicable.
It was my junior year and Jen and I lived with eight other gals in a huge sorority house! (Jen and I were basically roommates all four years because we met our freshmen year. She's like AMAZING! I'll have to so blog about her restaurant and her story with her husband soon!!! OMGosh!!!!)
Anyway.... college was when I first got into watching The Food Network. Like coconuts for it!!! When we all moved in, I went to the grocery store, Hornbacher's!, and got groceries to cook us all a nice meal for our first night. I told everyone I would keep the receipt and everyone could pitch in. I was more than happy to do it all because I loved the whole process and I prefer going it alone when it comes to the grocery store. So, long story short, I got everything fresh and wonderful to make an all day Nana's sauce with meatballs, italian sausage, rigatoni, garlic bread, parmesan, good tomatoes, I mean the list went on. After this gal ran all of my shit through the "beep" and hit "total" she looked at me and said, "that'll be $6.94." It was 93'. I was 21. I was standing there with my check 1/2 way written out. I looked at her. Here's something so true, so Despicable about me. I could assess in less than seconds if she was serious; when I knew she was I swear. to. you!! I wrote out the check for $6.94. Then in the memo I wrote, "you're really fucking dumb." That's awful. I don't like to call anyone dumb unless they like super, super earn it. In this case. I think yes. I can tell you I have also likely done or said something that has warranted a, "you're really fucking dumb", I'm sure. Soooo, I could not believe I got all of those expensive ingredients for under 10$. Even a greeting card or two was in the mix! I mean it was a lot!! This was a really fucking dumb situation for sure!! I only told Jen the story. The other eight sorority friends happily pitched in a mere $25 each, I spent the day making our house smell like Nana's on Sunday, and we began our junior year that evening! Despicable Me. (I likely spent the profit on my MCI phone bill making calls to Namibia - sigh)
This is my basic go to when I want to make an all day sauce and best represents our college evening at home. Like my dad and Tony and Jimmer and Joe and Ma, lol, I love rigatoni and I love it al dente!! Like even a bit more al dente than most! Mmmmm!! Once a week. Despicable Me.
One last college story; my friend Trevor and I got placed right next to each other for our 10 weeks of student teaching! The twist was that Trevor was placed with the model teacher of the year woman who everyone in the entire school loved because she was so awesome AND I got placed with Glen Close from Fatal Attraction level coconuts lady!!! Oh ya! You think I'm exaggerating. She was CRAZY!!! And she HATED me from the depths of her soul. And she had everyone fooled. Oooo - gives me the creepies just thinking about her. The 3rd graders LOVED me. I mean hello - college gal, fresh, enthused, hopeful for humanity, five years camp counselor - not to mention I was going to be a teacher because I loved them too!! Well, the more they loved me, the hotter it made this woman. And because I'm intuitive, I knew she was bubbling over. I swear, I would even try with all of my efforts to direct the kids to share their warmth with her and not me - that's so screwed up - and it never worked. Kids know bad joo-joo!! So, long story short, my sweet Trevor would've caved after a week with that She-Devil so he needed 'Super-Teacher.' Also, I had the smartest, coolest, 'RBG'-like college mentor who I let take the reigns from behind the scenes from day one. I could go on about how the bad woman tried to sabotage me over and over. I would just tell her to try and learn from me - lol - that didn't work. I remember it being unpleasant, but I also dealt with it well and my mentor not only got her to sign off and write an exemplary report, but she met with that teacher & administration explaining & showing documentation of why they were removing her from Concordia's list. Ahhh that was the year of the "Poop Story!" A comedy set I have done on stage throughout my comedy career often. During this student teaching semester in Fargo, ND., 1993 is when the "Poop Story" actually happened. A crowd favorite.... if you would like to catch a recording: Despicable Me.
The Poop Story on Youtube; Susie Saccoman:
I went off to Namibia to begin my first teaching job. Concordia had prepared me well.
When I think about the food I had in Namibia, my fondest memories are of the rice and curries and definitely the beef, pork, chicken, goat all done on wood fired grills in backyards. So with a little southern lip kiss to all of my Namibians, here's the most Despicable spot I have found in Houston that made me think of my years in Namibia. THE PIT ROOM!!!!! (and the crowd goes wild)
I've only been once so far. No, twice. I have only been to The Pit Room twice in 13 months of living in Houston, Texas. I try to tame my Despicable urges.
The Pit Room
1201 Richmond Ave.
Houston, TX 77006
Definitely go here if you're ever in Houston! I'll take you! It reminds me of living in Namibia!
I can't talk about it. Just look and drool and come visit and we'll go!
5 kisses!!
In the later 90s, I did what most 20 something's do. Worked a few jobs and had a lot of fun. I was hired with Minneapolis Public Schools in August of 1999!! The 90s were coming to a close. I was a young teacher, in love with my career, single, spending nights in the comedy/theater scene, and building on my simmering love affair with cooking.
After three years working at Lyndale Elementary in Minneapolis, MN., the District was going through a lot of restructuring. I loved my three years at Lyndale, and am soooooo lucky that I achieved my tenure that third year because a ton of us were laid off just weeks after our achievement of tenure! I couldn't believe I had to leave. I had a great principal, a wonderful team, and the kids/families were so special! All is meant to be - that was the one year where I worked at Maggiano's Little Italy. Fortunately, after that one school year of waiting tables, I was rehired and landed at Tuttle in Northeast Minneapolis. Tenure in tact. I would be laid off for the next few years, but I would always get rehired before the new school year began. I appreciated that time at Maggiano's! I met a life long friend there, Tara and I was actually in the best shape of my life! Waiting tables is not for the unmotivated! We'd work and go out all night! Ahh, when a local band I waited on took a few of us to a Gentlemen's Club after my shift one night..... that was fun. Despicable Me.
In those years, I had worked at hotel restaurants, Bruegger's Bagels, Maggiano's...
At Bruegger's I had a huge problem with management. Holy shit on a shingle - their store model was to like be intentionally dictatorship-like. No exaggeration. Deliberately authoritative, constant direction, no personality like WHATSOEVER! It's just a bad model. Period. And I'm not easily intimidated. Just sayin'. I'm a kickass worker. I'm from the Range! So, I work hard and I am super clean and I also have people skills. And I love food. I mean, I was a kick ass bagel-consultant! lol I am not punctual, but I would have to be there at 5a.m. most days. 5:10 just aint much different from 5:00 if you ask me. Anyway, it was so obvious that the managing style was causing a negative work climate, high turn over, blah blah blah - obviously! There were several occasions where I would 'school them' in a way that mirrors my dad explaining very directly to us when we were kids why we were in serious trouble! I did the same to the manager at Maggiano's and the head chef. I'll openly school you with confidence and articulation while remaining appropriate - I'm a teacher! And I appreciate & welcome the same approach in return. Side note: Never been fired. Sent home with pay, yes. Never fired. Despicable Me.
I am not a fan of the company affiliated with Maggiano's, but it has been years since I have eaten in any of their restaurants. I will say, I was a fan of their menu. Scratch made pastas, sauces, salads, desserts. I used to love when a table would let me order all of their courses so they could be surprised. I was never a dessert person until I worked at Maggiano's! The Cheesecake Factory was right next door and they had nothing on Maggiano's NY cheesecake! They had tirimisu, spumoni, an apple crostada, a creme' brulee, and they'd always have delectable specials!! Like a S'more or Ci-Ci's Trifle! Scratch made desserts; made in house. They were really awesome.
I have only recently decided to toy with my baking skills. Obviously, I am going to start where 'cheese' is the main ingredient. A nod to Maggiano's cheesecake..... I used some expensive cherries that Lars had in the pantry that I think I am obsessed with!!!! I made a vanilla bean, cherry cheesecake & a traditional graham crust. Not super pretty, but out of all of my seven or so cheesecakes I've made, this first one is still my favorite. Ooo, and a glaze! Despicable Me!
Here's a hilarious story! Although, it would be way funnier if we could act it out on stage like SNL style!! All we need is "an office" scene with a door to the hallway. So I had my lay off slip, but it was summer time and I was assured that they will be making 'call backs' before the school year started. This would've been about 2005 or so. It was mid August and my friend Susan and I headed down to the District office to get our assignment! Whew, made it another year without going back to having no dental. Susan is about a decade my senior, Lebanese, grew up in Mpls., funny!!! We have a good time. So we head to one lady's office to get our STAMPED letter of being reinstated and off lay off status, then we head over to another lady's office because I just wanted to say hi to that lady. I liked her. Susan had business there, I think. Lol!!!!! WHILE I WAS IN THERE WITH THE NICE LADY AND SUSAN, the other lady from the other office calls to ask if I was there because in that short amount of time I was LAID OFF AGAIN!! I kept holding up my stamp, pointing to it, pleading "...but I have a stamp...." It was hilarious - we just left and like went to the State Fair and had a ball and I was hired the next week. Whew. That crazy District - it sure has put many of us through the wringer once or twice. But then again, I am pretty Despicable!
I have blogged about my love for the kids and my 28 year career as a 5th grade teacher. Check out "My Fifth Grade Teacher" blog if you haven't. I would say I was the kind of teacher who "was coming in hot!!!"
Throughout my 23 years with Minneapolis Public Schools, I am sure any teacher would agree that we could write a very large book! Most teachers, of course, would never have the time. For me, I learned, I grew, and every site I was in gave me all kinds of new take aways that would carry me to the next site, and the next. It seemed I was hired at a challenging time because after the lay off years were over, I would then be moved with the rest of my colleagues when Minneapolis would do restructuring. I will say that I was, like that little girl from Buhl, into everything, marching to the beat of my own drum, and sometimes getting into all kinds of Despicable! Another Side Note: Was never fired; once sent home WITH pay for two months; over 23 years - I'd say about two dozen, "Ms. Saccoman, please come to the office."'s :). Give or take.
A few Despicable morsels that would surely make it in 'the book':
My all time favorite!!!!!would have to be........ ugh, I am so Despicable..... I had this one student who really had a tough time getting to school. One day, her mom came in for a conference and explained to us that she was dying. Ugh - needless to say, we wanted to know how we could be of support. On that particular day, "S" was staying for after school classes and so was I. Since she is a walker and there was some snow predictions, I asked her mom if it was okay that I bring S home after. She was more than happy to say yes. After school comes and goes and S comes to meet me in the lot. Her hands were covered in slime so she said she was going to go wash them. I'm like, ya, please do! My car! When she came back out, she plopped into the car with some other kid! I'm like, "who are you?" Well I have seen her in the school, but I knew she was in 4th grade, not 5th. She told me her name and S said yes they live by each other. Well, we were having a blizzard, so I STUPIDLY headed over to S's house. Then!!! This kid hops out of the car when I drop off S. I kept asking her to stay in the car so I could drive her home, but she wanted to stay with S. I could tell that S didn't really want her to come in. I was not able to convince this girl to come with me so I went back to the school lot. Once I was in the lot, I called my friend in 4th grade and asked her about this girl and told her the situation. She gave me the girl's mom's phone number. I called and told this mom the situation. She was so sweet. I was relieved because my friend said she is difficult. She said, "yes, go back and get R and bring her home." Soooo, I got in my car again, drove the two blocks and went up to S's door. Finally, R came to the door and when I told her I spoke to her mom, she came immediately. While we were in the car, her mom called me back and was foaming at the mouth like Cujo! I just kept calmly saying, I am right near the school, I will meet you in the office. Her kid then tried to get out of my car WHILE it was moving. Well, I couldn't blame her. She didn't want to go home. I didn't want to go either. I convinced R it would be okay and we got to school. Remember, I am not easily intimidated. In this very rare situation, my instinct was to just stay calm & quiet. I am glad that was my instinct. There was no reasoning with this kind of dysfunction junction.... She stormed in wanting me arrested for kidnapping, making up a bunch of stories, blah, blah. Luckily my principal kept calm too and just complied while I wrote down the events. She even called the cops, but I just never had a concern about anything other than that this poor girl lives with someone who is in such great need of help. I was not cocky. I was just writing. Calm. Internally taken aback, but I also remember how much I would have enjoyed slapping her right across the face. A girl can fantasize. I think I was focusing on not doing that so my principal, knowing me, had me write. Clever. I remember thinking, I'd actually rather be in the "Clink" right now. I was absolutely an idiot for driving a kid without permission in the first place. That was a hard lesson to learn. But my principal had my back in that situation; well it's a good thing I was smart enough to know that she was appeasing the crazy mom while firmly on my side - I love my colleagues, but I can tell you, most every teacher I have ever met would have 100% Shit themselves in that situation! But then, they would not have driven the kid! Despicable Me.
I generated some of my best material for stand up comedy through stories in the classroom. They are all true. As God is my witness. The story about "The Pimp & Ho's" absolutely happened one year when I had a very large group of 7th and 8th graders in a Reading Intervention class. But my favorite twist to the ol' Pimp & Ho's story was one summer when I was teaching summer school. Holy toledo they were attempting some talent show in the commons area and it was going down in smoke!!! Meaning, the audience was unruly and there was no structure/organization. Folks with personalities like mine will relate to the fact that it is pretty much impossible for me to not intervene if I am allowed and able. I am a loyal advocate when it comes to kids and stage opportunities and I believed there were some pretty cool acts ahead, so I took to the stage. Well, it was 6th-8th graders in North Minneapolis and I had to go with my instinct. I just didn't think the poop joke would have been as relatable or age appropriate. I grabbed the microphone and took a few seconds to get the room ready to be an audience. I asked them if they'd believe it if I told them I get paid up to $500 for 30 minutes doing stand up comedy on top of being a teacher. They were like, no way! I started asking for some favorite comic shout outs and some of the greats like Martin Lawrence and Chris Rock were mentioned. See, my instinct to share the Pimp & Ho's story was spot on. And so I asked the crowd of kids, "if I share one quick story from my routine with you, do you promise to be as awesome for your peers after me???" And there were assuring cheers. I shared the "Pimp & Ho's" story and the kids loved it, but I did get some concerned energy from other staff so I knew there would very likely be repercussions. But the talent show ended up being so GREAT!!!! so the email I received from that site's principal was completely worth it. It started with, "Saccoman! Of course it's you! I have some parents wondering about the talent show at summer school yesterday!" Fortunately, she used to be my principal and we had an awesome relationship, so she was easily able to explain to parents why a teacher was telling a pimp and ho joke at school. Despicable Me.
Pimp & Ho Story
My class was huge and I was trying to start the year with some routines/order. ONE kid made it very hard. So, I pulled him out of class right away in September and told him that if he just showed up and kept his mouth closed, I would give him an A for every assignment. It worked like a charm and bought me some time. In October, this kid saw a poster on my desk for an upcoming comedy show. He's like, "Ms. Saccoman, you do stand up comedy?" I'm like, "Yes, I do." He asked if he could come watch, I said it's just for 18 and up and then he asked if he could tell me a joke. I was trying to start class. A lot of big kids in a small space! He was pretty adamant. So, I thought, well, maybe this will be something that strengthens our relationship. I was sitting down at a small group table. He was directly in front of me. The rest of the damn class was completely quiet - of course!! Waiting to hear Keenan's joke! lol He looks at me an says, "There are three Ho's and a Pimp!" Right away I stopped him! I'm like, "Keenan! I can't let you tell a Pimp and Ho joke here in a Minneapolis Public School!" He looked at me so puzzled, really. "Why? There's nothing else. There's nothing bad." I looked in his eyes and I looked at my class and I had no other choice - I asked some other kid to go sit by the door and wave to me if he sees someone coming! Alright!!! I said. Hurry up!! I listened intently!
"Okay, there are three ho's and a pimp. The pimp goes up to the first ho and he says, you owe me 200$ dollars! And the ho was like, I thought it was just 100$ dollars! (SLAP - Don't correct me!!! says the pimp!!). The pimp goes up to the second ho and he says, you owe me 300$ dollars! And the ho was like, I thought it was 200$ dollars! (SLAP - Don't correct me!!! says the pimp!!). The pimp goes up to the third ho and he's like, you owe me 400$ dollars!!! And the ho was like, I thought it was just 300$ dollars!! (SLAP - Don't correct me!!!! says the pimp!). Then, Ms. Saccoman!!, the pimp goes up to the fourth ho! And I immediately said, YOU SAID THERE WERE ONLY THREE HO's!!!??? and Keenan said to my face (SLAP - Don't Correct Me!!!!)!!"
And I fell over laughing my ass off!!! The whole class was laughing!! It was so funny!!! And the dumb kid at the door didn't see my principal walk in and he shouted at me, "what seems to be the problem!" and I got up and composed myself and said, "I am so sorry, but Keenan told the greatest Pimp and Ho joke!" Side Note: Keenan graduated 8th grade top reader in the school!! Despicable Me.
My last favorite was this one year when a colleague of mine had a student with very wild hair. Um, when I say no exaggeration, I mean that. Her hair looked like she was born and raised by a lovely pack of wolves and she stumbled upon city living for the first time just that day at 10 years old. I did not know this 5th grader because she was not in any of my classes, but I saw her in the halls often and in the cafeteria, at recess, etc. I realized quickly she had some different abilities. Autism, verbal, sweet, sensitive sensory, like her peers, nearing puberty. I asked for days and days about her. Her hair was painful. It physically looked painful. I will in no way put a single bit of blame on anyone. I worked with such compassionate educators and social workers. I just think there's so much to do that sometimes things get pushed aside. Even though home was called and certain little measures were attempted, this interesting kid kept coming to school with this matted, filthy head of hair. It was so matted that you couldn't wash it. I then bought a bunch of product. With my colleague's permission, I asked the kid's mom if I could hang out with A during recess and see if I can comb it out. A of course let me with a plethora of incentives like jolly ranchers and playing movies during recess. I tried everything to detangle, but I knew right away it all has to be cut. The next day I asked my administrator if I could take this student to a salon with parental permission. He got back to me right away and explained that the District's recommendation is that I don't do that. In a nutshell. Of course, my assistant principal totally knew I was going to so his advice was to be sure I had a written permission slip. Easy. So one day, on a Friday after school, I picked up A and the written slip and I took her to a Great Clips where I am pretty sure everyone was close to dialing CPS once we walked in. I made sure A had her ipad and talked through everything with her so she knew her hair was going to go from very long to very short. She knew our plans after were to shop and get Subway for her family so she was doing great and the gals at Great Clips were phenom!! "A" fell into a blissful trance when they shampooed & massaged her months-hidden scalp. I kept telling her how great she was doing. Well, when the blow drier turned off and they twirled her chair to face the mirror, this sweet girl exclaimed, "I am so pretty!!!" I about melted in that moment and I can tell you the entire place was right there with me. As soon as we went into Walgreens, she went up to the first guy she saw and asked, "Do you like my haircut?" I texted a picture to my assistant principal. He couldn't believe it! And now "A" would feel better all around. Her very behavior lightened. We grabbed some fun headbands at Walgreens and a lot of Subway goodies and headed back to her home. Her mom was overjoyed and "A" was so, so excited to get home and hug her mom. Who also by the way has another autistic child, non verbal, and was having a difficult time getting "A" to get in for a haircut. I do not think it should have gone as long as it did - I believe our school had an obligation to help this girl. "A" was all smiles that Monday at school and that, to me, is worth breaking any rule! Despicable Me.
This was in 2014, I think. When a friend/colleague of mine recorded us making deviled eggs in my 5th grade classroom. This was a popular go to recipe for the whole class because we could make them without a kitchen. But ooooo we stunk up the halls for a minute. Then I'd burn incense and one of the secretaries would have a fit cuz sometimes people are super sensitive to odors and they can get migraines.... did you know that? That's how I feel about bright lights. I like mood lighting or natural lighting. And I love the dark.
Deviled Eggs! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XwzKhquzPY
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Today's blog inspired by my two loves - Gru & Dru!!! Despicable Me 3 is my #1 favorite animated movie! oxoxox
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